How Quilting Taught Me to Choose Love Over Resentment

This all started with quilting.

A few years ago, I set a personal goal: try to enjoy every part of the quilting process. Some parts were easy — fabric shopping, block piecing, binding. Some were much harder (basting, and that final long seam that feels like it will never end). But something unexpected happened when I committed to this mindset. I didn’t suddenly love every step, but I started to understand the value of each one. Every step had a purpose, and every step contributed to the finished quilt. That shift made quilting feel more positive, more intentional, and honestly, more joyful.

At the beginning of 2025, as I was thinking about goals for the year, I kept coming back to that idea. What if I could apply the same approach to the rest of my life? What if, instead of resenting the things I “have to do,” I tried to approach them with appreciation for what they add — to my family, my work, or myself?

Before I go any further, I should say this: I am very imperfect. I get road rage. I’m wildly disorganized. I get overwhelmed easily. This has been (and continues to be) a practice, not a personality overhaul. I still feel resentment sometimes, and I still lose patience — especially for the slow walkers in the middle of a Costco aisle. I'm just a person.

That said, here are a few things that have helped me over the past year. I’m not exaggerating when I say this mindset shift has changed my life and made our family life better, too. Not all of these will work for everyone, but I highly recommend experimenting and making your own list.

What’s Helped Me

1. I hired out a few things I simply can’t handle.

I am never going to be someone who stays on top of chores. This has been a financial sacrifice, but the peace and freedom it’s given me has been completely worth it. We have someone clean our house twice a month and someone pooper-scoop (we have two big dogs!) once a week. It doesn’t solve everything, but it makes a huge dent. I have also increasingly relied on my kids to help my pack up patterns so I am getting more time sewing.

2. I trusted other people more often.

This one is hard because I am a mega control freak and would love for everyone to magically know what I need without being asked. Trusting others has meant giving my kids more responsibility — and accepting that they won’t do things perfectly. It also meant helping my daughter work through her anxiety about driving until she was comfortable getting herself to and from school. That took a lot of repitition (so many practice drives back and forth!), but we finally got there, and the freedom it created for all of us has been huge.

3. I looked for humor where I usually found stress.

This meant unfollowing some accounts on Instagram and intentionally seeking out ones that made me laugh. It also meant joking around more with my family and making laughter part of our everyday home life.

4. I tried harder to see situations from the other person’s point of view.

I’ve always thought I did this, but I became more intentional about it — especially as I started walking my kids through the same exercise. When my daughter dealt with someone at school who regularly said unkind things, we talked about the possibility of unseen stress or struggles in that person’s life. I also try (with mixed success) to apply this to my road rage.

5. I noticed that when I entered situations with love, I often got love back.

It would be nice if someone else were kind first, wouldn’t it? I stopped waiting for that and tried to lead with kindness and positivity instead. More often than not, people responded in kind — and over time, it’s made interactions easier for everyone involved.

6. I thanked people for what they did, even when I felt like I did more.

When I was in college, I moved out of a shared apartment because I felt like I was always cleaning up after my roommates. Once I lived alone, I realized something uncomfortable: the mess didn’t magically disappear. These days, my goal is to give what I can, even if it sometimes feels uneven. In response, the people in my house tend to step up more often when I really need help. 

7. When I was grumpy, I said so — and took space.

Sometimes I told my family I needed space and locked my door. And I tried to give others that same grace when they were grumpy. I like to solve problems immediately, but sometimes there isn’t a problem — I’m just in a bad mood.

8. We made time to be together every day.

Toward the end of the year, we started having a short family devotional before bed. We have not missed a single day. Spending a few minutes together talking about goals and intentions has been surprisingly grounding. Even the dogs love it.

9. I slept more.

This is going to be my main goal for 2026: better, more consistent sleep. It turns out that nearly everything feels more manageable when you’re well rested.

I could keep going, but we’re all in different seasons of life, and not every idea applies to everyone. I think the real takeaway is this: making a conscious effort to feel more love and less resentment is a powerful first step — and it goes a long way.

One important disclaimer: none of this means making peace with being treated poorly. Love and empathy don’t require self-sacrifice at the expense of your well-being.